Kilo & Plates vs the World
by Caltrop
Summary: A mission undertaken by a crew of inmates goes incredibly awry when they lose their shuttle in space and are forced to explore an alien planet, leading them to what seems like their inevitable demise.


Lights blinked on and off down the corridor, not like usual warning lights. Rather, they pulsated lethargically, allowing shadows to visibly creep around during intervals when the corridor was lit up. The red lights strobed noiselessly but did little to accent the already crimson bodies that lay about. There were windows, tiny ones. The ship was large and not very advanced. In fact, it was probably a miner ship meant to be used for menial resource gathering. At the very end of the dim corridor, shadows came forth in a casual stroll, minding not to trip over any bodies. The warning lights lit up, and in a flash, the detailed countenances of two figures were revealed.

There was a great size different between the two. One, the bipedal, shrimp-like crustacean, was nearly as wide as it was tall. Strutting abreast of the shrimp was a relatively small quadruped that resembled that of a hound but with pyramidal mounds of fur on its back and head. While the shrimp was complacent, the hound glowered at nothing in particular, bearing with the discomfort of having a prosthetic left hind leg.

"Where's this command room already?"

The two stopped walking. "Pardon? Is _that _what we're looking for?" said the innocent crustacean. Under his arm, an anomalocaris-esque creature about the size of a briefcase stirred momentarily at the sound of the duo's voices, then went back to its dormant state.

"What'dju think we were looking for? The bleedin' bathroom?" They continued their normal jiving until someone reached out to the hound's foot, gesturing for mercy. At first, the hound ignored him after an exasperated glance. Then, the shrimp's eyes widened and he brushed past the hound and peered down at the pulverized human.

"You! Tell us where the—"

"Please, what do you want from us?" the human managed to sputter out.

"You!" the shrimp repeated impatiently, more sternly this time. "Tell us where your command thing is, or we'll be forced to kill you." Red light gleamed off his free claw, dazzling the poor human.

The human, knowing he was already on the verge of death, let his eyes roll back into their sockets as he let an awkward grunt escape his lips. The shrimp growled at him, clawing at the air, prompting him to speak. "The alarm lights," the man began slowly, "always lead to c-central command..." He lifted a shaking finger and pointed down the hall. "Please, just spare me," were the man's final words before he gagged on liquid in his throat and slammed his head down against the metal floor.

"Great, let's go and kill this guy already." The blunt hound's name was Kilo and the shrimp's name was, well...everybody informally referred to him as Plates. The pair rarely addressed each other by name, however, because they were simply acquaintances, partners, and "names and other childish trivia are of no importance." As the duo followed the lights, it became clear that the wide indentations in the walls were other previously unnoticed corridors that were just unlit. Kilo pondered the amount of humans hiding within, and though he truly wanted to torch them, he had to stay focused on the mission.

The door burst off its hinges and fell with a thud onto the floor. The human across the room, sitting in a big chair while looking significant, was identified as the commander. "So, you think you can surreptitiously dock my ship, kill all my men and me, _and _survive yourselves?" the commander said, his wrinkly finger resting on the Y key of a keyboard. "Let me tell you, Sunshine..." he said quietly, his body quivering spitefully.

_You are about to initiate self destruct sequence.  
Please note that, once activated, this command is NOT overridable. Severe federal penalties will result if the destruction of equipment is caused unconditionally or by anyone other than the commander of the spacecraft.  
Initiate self destruct? Y/N_

The man kept an intent stare on the button the entire time. He was tense, and he could feel their presence behind him. After a pause, he determinedly spoke. "I won't let you make a fool out of—"

The commander's head bisected at the neck, releasing pieces of flesh and a shower of mist into the air. His finger limply slid off the Y key before sliding off the keyboard and falling to his side.

"Mission complete," Plates said indifferently, rubbing his irritated eyestalks.

Kilo turned on a device imbedded into his foreleg. The device served as a walkie-talkie. "Mission complete," Kilo echoed. No one answered, which confused the two, but they shrugged it off and decided to return to their shuttle.

"Did you notice anything unusual about this mission?"

"No. Do you think there's something unusual about this mission?"

"Well, you don't think it's weird how we were only supposed to kill a bunch of humans and not even retrieve anything from the ship?"

Kilo eyed his crustaceous partner as he walked. "I'd rather not question our superiors or the missions they give us. Our government has come to despise the human race..."

"So we exterminate them out of hatred? Spite?" Plates shook his head. He was delving into a touchy topic, and considering Kilo's hind leg had been claimed by a human, there was no use trying to argue with the canine. "Never mind," Plates gave in, waving his claw in the air dismissively.

"One day you'll understand, rookie." This remark made Plates narrow his eyes inquisitively. Kilo continued in a nonchalant manner. "They'll take whatever you hold dear to your heart. Right from your own claws." He stared at the little guy under Plates's arm, making sure Plates could see his eyes. This elicited a gasp from Plates, as was according to plan. Kilo breathed a chuckle out of his snout and proceeded onwards triumphantly.

Plates followed behind, combatting the canine with unheeded retorts, all the while clutching the creature in his claws. Kilo stopped short as he turned a corner. Plates was close behind, and he immediately stopped talking when he saw the desolate dock. Ot and Aub were there. Ot scraped his scythe-like appendages down the door, this forlorn expression of his reflecting off the glass window. Aub was leaning against the wall, tapping his foot impatiently. He let out a small groan, acknowledging Plates and Kilo's arrival.

"Where's the shuttle...?" Kilo asked, perplexed.

Aub motioned to the device on Kilo's forearm.

"C.A., where'd you shove off to?" Kilo yelled into the device as he pawed it recklessly.

"I...I'm going home now," replied C.A. through the device.

"I think you're forgetting something pretty important," Kilo said through gritted fangs. He was not amused.

"Ah, yes," C.A. replied. He sighed wistfully. There was a solemness in his voice that made Kilo nervous. "You lot. Sorry, I've been ordered to leave you. I doubt I'll see you again, commander. It's been a pleasure working with you and Plates, Ot and Aub and Maxence."

"What is he talking about?" Ot turned from the door and bored into the device with a desperate stare.

Kilo looked desperate too for a moment, which, by deviating from his usual stern disposition, really concerned the rest of the group. "Maxence is on board?" he spoke softly to himself before shaking his head and angrily talking back into the communication device. "What _are _you talking about?"

"The human ship is on a direct, auto-piloting coarse to I16," said C.A.

"What!?" Ot shrieked. Plates's jaw dropped slightly.

This pushed Kilo over the edge. "You come back now," he demanded, to which C.A. stubbornly refused. "I am the commander of the shuttle. I _order _you to return!"

"Yes, but...I am commander in line. My job is to fill the vacancy of the commander when necessary. You're not currently on the shuttle."

Kilo didn't usually leave the shuttle during missions. This one was an exception, however, since he wanted to kill the human passengers himself. This was especially convenient for C.A., as he never needed to coax Kilo out of the shuttle one way or another. Kilo roared, "That would be goddamn suicide if we went to I16 and you know that!"

"You're killing us, C.A.," Ot cried.

"I'm sorry, everybody," C.A. said ruefully. "It's—I just ... Government's orders, you know? It's my head or yours.

Kilo was truly desperate then. He had trouble thinking. "It's one person's head, or it's _five _people's—no, _six _people's heads! Do what's righteous and sacrifice yourself! Go down for your shuttle, C.A."

"_Pssh_, you idiot. Goodbye commander." Communication with the shuttle then died, leaving the four inmates silent and alone. Ot slid down the wall and slouched hopelessly. Plates turned away and cursed.

"They can't do this," Kilo said. "We did this work to reduce our jail sentence, and now they're killing us off. Like our lives mean _nothing _to them!"

"Why would our lives mean anything?" Aub countered. "We're convicts. It'd be better to just get rid of us, but in the meantime our work benefits them."

Plates paced the floor, concentrating. "If they want us down on I16, then we must be there to gather intelligence, right? How do we return the information we collect back to them? Maybe they expect us to return safely?"

"We're not giving them anything. Don't let them have that satisfaction," Kilo grumbled coarsely. "But you bring up a good point."

Ot got up and treaded lifelessly down the hall. The crew looked at one another in a desultory manner before following. While they walked, they brainstormed. It was useless though. They had no way to get back home. They were off to a terrible planet where their fate lied. During their little walk, they came across a cryogenic chamber. It was devoid of human life, but there were still inexplicable speckles of human blood here and there. Aub could operate the control panels of the ship, as he was the only bipedal with fingers on his paws. Plus, they all understood the language that floated around on the ship. His tailed lashed as he punched in buttons aimlessly until the pod-like beds opened up.

"Shouldn't we find Maxence first?" Ot asked.

"This ship is big. She won't make it." Kilo replied bluntly.

"We can't just let her starve to death!" Ot argued.

"Max can't use this machine." Aub took a moment to revel at his paws. They didn't have opposable thumbs, but they got the job done anyway.

"Maxence!" Kilo howled into the hallway. His voice reverberated through the skeleton of the ship. There was no answer. "Can you hear me!?" Still no answer. After a minute, Kilo shrugged and hopped into a pod. He kneaded the cushions in the pod, unsatisfied. Then, he paused and peered outside. "How are all of us going to get in the pods when one of us has to be outside to close them?"

Plates blinked. "Computer?" he called out unsurely.

"What can I help you with?" the ship's robotic voice boomed.

Plates drew back, astonished. "Uh, can you close all pod doors in two minutes?"

"You will have to be more specific than that," the ship responded. "Besides, I do not recognize your voice."

Plates looked at the rest.

"I'll do it."

Everyone looked to Aub. His red eyes showed no fear.

"You can't do that," Kilo said. "You'll starve by the time we arrive!"

"One of us has to do it," he said seriously. He closed his eyes, hovering over the control panel. The mission had already gotten a lot darker; one of the crew had sentenced himself to death—a good, reliable shuttle mechanic, at that.

Kilo screamed out again in anger. How could their own government just dispose of them like that? Aub flinched, his eyes darting to the source of the sound. Kilo glowered through him like he wasn't even there. He ignored the canine and nodded in valediction to everybody, looking each of them over respectively. If he didn't make it to the pod, that would mean farewell. After a deep breath, he punched a button on the keyboard, initiating cryogenic sleep mode, thus causing the pod doors to descend with haste. Aub threw himself at an empty pod, but he had miscalculated—or rather, he had underestimated the speed of the pod doors.

He didn't make it. Aub rushed to Kilo's pod, resting his paws against the glass. Kilo stared back with what seemed like a look of horror and sadness. Aub too wore a similar, crestfallen look. It wasn't like him to loose his cool, but he did, and that made Kilo all the more uncomfortable. "I'll figure something out," Aub called, his voice barely penetrating through the tinted pane. "I've got time!" His intention was to fiddle with the keyboard until he could set a delay on when the pod doors close. But the odds were against him, as he was too humble to wake the crew prematurely by accident. Moreover, a setting for delays may have not even existed.

Kilo thrashed, pushing himself up against the glass until he tired himself out. Aub had his head in his paws, leaning against Kilo's pod. He and Kilo got to exchange one last, weary look, before Kilo fell unconscious.

The trip was long. It lasted a few years. The crew boarded the ship near a planet, flourishing with coal that the humans were scavenging for due to a shortage back home.

The conditions on I16 were adverse. The crew's ancestors had visited before but all died one way or another. Plates's great ancestors actually lived on I16 the longest, when it was nothing but rock, water, and kelp. Additionally, that was one of the first major alien interactions with other life there. One of Aub's ancestors had visited too, but much like the others, did not last long. The ancestor was regarded as a deity by I16's natives, it being reluctantly put into a stressful representative position, symbolizing "mummification" or something like that, before it miraculously disappeared.

It all seemed so foreboding. Despite its welcoming colors of blue and green, I16 was a scary place, and the crew later found themselves awake, suspended in space, staring down on it.

It was Earth.


End file.
